That marriages are no longer made in heaven is not news any
more: for confirmation, just consider the number of divorce
cases (9,000) filed in Delhi last year. But there's another
side to this story: More and more people are game for a second
innings at the altar. Says Anuja Agrawal, reader of sociology
at DU: "The fact that people are opting to remarry shows
that they do value the institution of marriage. The only difference
is that earlier marriage was an unequal institution where one
partner (the woman) had little or no choice. Today, that choice
is available and socially acceptable."
Reema Srivastava, now 35, the first time was an experience
out of hell. Fresh out of engineering college, all she wanted
was a secure job and an engineer husband. Sure enough, her
parents found her one: Reema got married to a US-bound engineer.
But little did the girl from Allahabad know what lay in store
for her: The man, it turned out, was impotent. Also, violent
and pathologically possessive. "Things got to a point
when I was not allowed to make calls to my family and my mail
was scrutinised. I was almost a captive in a foreign land,"
she sighs. Divorce was the only way out. Reema later remarried
through a matrimonial website and now has a little daughter.
But she admits that she kept the marriage hidden from her
relatives for over a year. "We were embarrassed about
second marriages are on the rise, people are still reluctant
to talk about it. Most of the middle-class people we spoke
to didn't want to be photographed and requested that we change
their names. But Agrawal says things are changing. "One
reason why the divorce rate is up is because there’s less
stigma attached to it." Changing gender equations are
also a factor. "Educated, working women seek compatible
life partners, only to find that men still have traditional
expectations from them."
some people smell a business opportunity here. "Every
month we get 1,000 profiles registered on our website where
people seek new partners," says Vivek Pahwa who started
a website dedicated to second marriages in June this year.
The site already boasts 7,000 profiles and counting. "Loneliness,
early divorce, and a more mature outlook are some of the reasons
that people cite for seeking a new life companion," says
55% of the aspirants are from the big cities of Delhi, Mumbai,
Hyderabad, Pune, Bangalore, Chennai, and Kolkata. The rest
are from places like Patna, Ahmedabad, Lucknow and Chandigarh,
an indication that the desire to find one's soulmate cuts
across traditional divides. As Rashmi Anand, a former Meerut
college lecturer and 'second-timer', points out: "Today,
getting hitched to the right person and making a success of
it is a difficult but not impossible task."
marriage to her childhood sweetheart lasted 12 years. "We
were both very young. Small issues and lies were seen as acts
of treason. The fact that we didn't discuss our situation
with anyone made it worse," she recalls.
has since remarried and moved to Mumbai. "I am older
and wiser now. I realise people work really hard on their
marriage, especially in a place like Mumbai where there is
no support system." Remarriage has been a "growing
up" process. "It has made me richer emotionally.
Also, perhaps I value relationships more now."
who has a son from each marriage, has clearly moved on. Yet
she points out that second marriages are still not completely
out of the closet. "For a long time my ex didn’t acknowledge
to friends that we had divorced. And my current husband doesn’t
like to mention that I was married to someone else once!"
up the pieces
Ohri, a 33-year-old homemaker from Chennai, also had a lot
of growing up to do when her husband of two years shot himself.
No one knew why. With an infant son to take care of, Vidya
got married again with the help of her family. "Initially
I was in a state of shock. But life is about picking up the
pieces and moving on for the sake of your future." And
she was lucky to find a caring mate on this journey.
Inderbir Singh, 35, from Delhi is still waiting for that elusive
mate. The corporate trainer married for love, only to find
that she loved someone else. "I decided to call it quits
then," he says. What followed was an amicable divorce
and three meetings with prospective brides. The hunt is on.
names have been changed.) - from TimesOfIndia
Marrying twice no more a taboo in India
New Delhi, Sept 16: Gone are the days when divorce was considered
to be a taboo, as more Indians are now walking out of marriage
and opting for divorce, says a leading matrimonial website
catering exclusively for divorcees.
increasing number of marriage seekers registering in a new
Indian matrimonial web site, secondshaadi.com is an indication
of this trend.
are considered to be a mismatch in a social gathering and
now with the number of divorce cases growing in the younger
generation, they don`t know whom to tell or where to approach
for getting married again. So we thought of giving them a
platform to get remarried," says Vivek Pahwa, the brain
adding that within three months of its existence it has more
than 10,000 registered members from various backgrounds, he
says, "The number is increasing rapidly with more than
5000 people getting registered in a month."
to a study conducted by the website, about 9,000 divorce cases
are filed every year in the Capital compared to 1,000 in the
and Chennai have both seen a 200 per cent rise in divorce
rates, the study adds.
30 per cent of our registered members are women, it can be
clearly seen that second marriage is becoming more and more
acceptable among women which was unlike earlier" Pahwa
Aruna Broota, Professor, Department of Psychology, Delhi University
feels it is the socio-cultural and economic empowerment of
women that is responsible for this increasing number of cases.